I Was Going To Be Better At This...

I was going to be better at blogging...pouring out all the tedious thoughts that cross my mind and look so lovely, wordily spread across the mega-pixeled page. However, that has not been that case and I have been cyber-slacking in my posting. My typing is atrocious at this moment and I find myself hitting "back-space" just as often as hitting the correct letter. The results of breaking my New Year's Resolution to be a more active Blogger no doubt.

I miss people. There are a few that cross my mind. At this moment there isn't much that I wouldn't give for a steaming cup of Starbucks and a good long chat curled up in an over-sized and over-sat-in chair, watching the world pass by.

I'm bad at keeping in touch. I like to think I'm really good at it, but really, I'm not. I'm good at things like Birthdays and random little things, but the regular check-in-cuz-we're-friends-so-we-should-chat-once-in-a-blue-moon...that's not so much my forte.

As a result, I miss people.

Shoot.

The Moment Of Truth - FM Static

Here we are in the best years of our lives
With no way of knowin'
When the wheel'll stop spinnin'
Cause we don't know where we're goin'
And here we are on the best day of our lives
And it's a go let's make it last
So cheers you all to that
Cause this moment's never comin' back

I used to know her brother but I never knew I love her
'Till the day she laid her eyes on me
Now I'm jumpin' up and down
She's the only one around
And she mean every little thing to me

I've got your picture in my wallet
And your phone number to call it
And I miss you more whenever I think about you
I've got your mixed tape in my walkman
Been so long since we've been talkin'
And in a few more days we'll both hook up forever

And here I am on the West Coast of America
And I've been tryin' to think for weeks of all the ways to ask you
And now I've brought you to the place
Where I've poured my heart out
A million times for a million reasons
To offer it to you...

Dear Brendon

Good evening Brendon! How are you? I realize this is a less than conventional method of communication, seeing as this is MY blog...however, I'm feeling less than conventional at the moment and therefore feel no reason to spend copius amounts of time justifying my writing to you through the means of my blog. Now that that's out of the way...
Are you having a good weekend? I am. Today was a very low key day. Spent some time in town doing some running around and having coffee with a majority of the Hunt family. It was a grand afternoon. This evening I watched "3:10 to Yuma". If you have not seen it, I highly reccomend viewing it. Christian Bale and Russell Crowe are both quite good. If you can handle the blood and shooting, and enjoy some clever character development than this film is for you! I almost feel like I should be a promoter...har har.
So... I hope you are well. I'm out of witty and engaging things to type. Have a good one. Hope you enjoyed this "less than conventional" means of communication :)

"Watching Airplanes" - Gary Alan

Sitting out here on the hood of this truck looking up
At a caramel colored, sunset sky
Checkin' my watch, doing the math in my head
Countin' backwards to when you said "Goodbye"
Well those runway lights are getting brighter...

I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes
Take off and fly
Tryin' to figure out which one you might be on
And why you don't love me anymore
Right now I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes

I would've lied, could've cried, should've tried harder
Done anything to make you stay
I wonder what you'd do if you looked out your window
And saw me running down the run-way
Just like I was crazy
But that fence is too high
And so am I

I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes
Take off and fly
Tryin' to figure out which one you might be on
And why you don't love me anymore

By now I know your thirty-thousand feet above me
But a million miles away, oh a million miles away
By now I know how to act like you don't love me

But I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes
Take off and fly
And I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes
Take off and fly
Trying to figure out which one you might be on
And why you don't love me anymore

Yeah, I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes go by, by, by
I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes Baby, bye, bye, bye

Love: Part II (the first part was written way back in the day...you won't remember it)

What is it about this saveage, imperfect thing called love? Savage, you may ask? Yes, savage. For it is something that on one quite knows how to tame. This beast creeps and slithers its way through the Serengeti of the heart until it takes over. And then, its prey, the heart itself is left alone to rot under the hot sun that is life. Savage...love stalks through the heart only to conquer and then leave. It will bite, thrash, and toss you about until you know not which way is up and which is down! It will ravage and pillage and you will have nothing left because you gave it all up to this beast with the hope that you might keep love in return. To tame love you have to let it bite, thrash and in the end conquer. This thing, savage as it is, can be put on a leash...no, it won't go easily, but it can be done. How? Ah, that is of course not an easy thing to answer. How does one go about subduing something that can hardly be understood?

It takes respect. Love is wild and flighty, easily spooked and always ready to sprint in the opposite direction of where you wish it to go. You will think you have it cornered, that you have won and there is no where else for it to go...and then is it gone without a trace, leaving behind only the memories of how it made you feel...this is of course if you do not respect the power that love has.

If you do respect love, it is still a challenging feat to put it on a tether...but slightly less challenging than a wild goose chase. With respect love becomes a reasonable thing. It begins to consider that maybe you aren't out to hurt it and that you only wish to understand why it is the way it is. Love is wary of us just as we are of it. It fears being put into a box, a vast empty room, on a leash...love wishes to roam freem, to come and go..and though it hurts when it goes, and sometimes when it begins, we must let it. So, if you respect love enough that it allows you to rein it in a little closer, you need to know that it still needs to be able to run. Where? WHere does love go when it leave you lying alone and broken on your bedroom floor not wanting to move? It escapes. Sometimes love needs to return to its wild, untamable, natural state where it is free. If you respect it though, it will appear again and let you once again tie up and restrict it to your world, until the next time that it needs to run for a while. With respect, someday love may let you win, let you keep it...but it may not. Love may continue to come and go never letting you know its true purpose.

For what is love's true purpose? Is it to remain so that we can keep an eye on it? To give up it's wildness, to surrender to the leash, chain, rope or tether that we place around its neck? No, that is not what love was meant to do. Love's purpose is to enrich our lives. Ha! Enrich? When it leaves so many hurting and tired and desperate to get away? Ok, so sometimes love bites and it hurts and yes it scars, but that means that we have been priveleged enough to love, to experience this euphoria, this elation, the increased heart rate, sweaty palms and incoherent thoughts that this savage thing brings into our world. We are lucky enough to make no sense, and have everyone laugh at us because we are walking around talking about an idea. An invisible, un-catchable thing that has us smiling for no apparent reason! Love's true purpose is to embarass, mortify and make fools out of us. Granted, we do quite the job of that ourselves, but love, the idea of it, causes us to become so wrapped up that we don't even notice how silly we appear.

So, we have established that love is savage, comparable to some creature that wishes to be left to its own muses, undisturbed and uninterrupted. Now then, love is imperfect. Yes, it is. Because, though it wishes to ravage and roam through the hearts of unsuspecting by-standers, love wants a home. It searches for a place where it can grow, where it can germinate and spring up. Love wishes to establish itself, but fears what may happen if it gave in to this desire for a home. What should happen if love rooted in one heart and remained there forever?

Love is contradictory and confusing. It cannot be figured out and it will continue to surprise us and leave us standing, or sitting, with our mouths gaping and chins on the floor. It causes us to question everything that we have ever known or assumed about love. Are we normal to want this thing, this beast, tethered to our hearts so that was can observe its every move?

Yes, it is only normal to yearn for an understanding of that which we cannot understand. We will never be able to fully grasp why love is the way it is, why it makes us feel the way we feel...but we can try...

I Don't Want to Be Here

I've got it in my head that I don't want to be here...so today nothing is very fun or entertaining. I had a lame interview in town today. Not for a job I want. So I'm feeling a little dejected on the job front. Pfffff.
I don't want to feel like I'm just "existing" while I'm here. But right now, that's what I feel like. It's as if I'm just being, but not really accomplishing anything. I know, I should take the advice that I've so often given and be thankful that I have a roof over my head, food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in...but I REALLY don't want to be living at home! URGH!
I need a job. A job that I'm going to enjoy so that I don't develop a twitch. Twitching, not cool.
Sigh. That's all.

For Dayna

So...It's Christmas!!! I opened presents this morning! It was exciting (even though I knew almost everything that I was getting!!!) and now I'm waiting to devour most of a turkey! LOL! Gluttony is a sin?

Everyone is coming over this afternoon to eat and then chill. You know, the usual shindig family stuff. It should be good. Then I get to do it all over again tomorrow, but in town.

I talked to Johnny yesterday. He asked me how my cold was. I told him that I sound like a malfunctioning goose. It's true! I was making strange honking noises from my nose. Couldn't help it cuz I couldn't really breathe! LOL! Today I sound better. And, good thing, Johnny is over the flu!!! YAY!!!!

Dayna is out in Ontario and owes me a FACEBOOK MESSAGE!!!! I'm getting impatient!

Ok...I don't have anything interesting to talk about...so I'm going to go watch TV!
Ciao!